Tip No. 1: Reinstate Civility
"Please," "thank you," "pardon me" and "may I" are phrases that seemed to have all but disappeared from present-day vocabularies, especially with our loved ones.
After spending time with Wonderful Marriage co-authors Lilo and Gerard Leeds, married for more than 50 years, Real believes you should extend your partner the same courtesy you would a stranger. "When speaking to your spouse, don't be rude, be respectful. Use a combination of old-school civility and modern frankness." Additionally, he suggests trying more sweetness and tenderness by saying things more lovingly.
Psychotherapist and author Tina Tessina, PhD, concurs. "Politeness is like a lubricant for your daily interactions; it makes everything go more smoothly."
Joyce Morley-Ball, EdD, a counselor in Decatur, Ga., adds some specifics. "Show her that chivalry is not dead: Pull out her chair, open the door for her, help her over a puddle, give her your coat when it is cold outside, help her to put on her coat. This act of affection shows that she is important and there is a level of respect for her."
Tip No. 2: Put Pen to Paper
Back before cell phones and instant messaging, people wrote letters of affection to each other, often waiting weeks to receive them. Lilia Fallgatter, author of The Most Important Letter You Will Ever Write: How to Tell Loved Ones How You Feel Before It's Too Late, advocates reviving the lost art of letter-writing to increase intimacy in a relationship.
"Love letters exchanged between a couple can strengthen their relationship by helping them to connect to one another on a deeper level," she says via email. "These letters may also become treasured keepsakes that can be revisited and experienced anew each time they are read." You'll reap bonus points if you hand write it on beautiful paper and enclose a cherished memento such as a photograph or ticket stub from a movie you saw together.
Tip No. 3: Sleep As Singles
It was TV censors who kept sitcom couples in separate beds, but maybe there was wisdom to catching your ZZZs in your own bed.
When one partner snores or is a night owl, tensions can mount in the marital bed, experts say. It may seem like a throwback a la Ricky and Lucy Ricardo, but many couples happily sleep in separate beds; some even maintain separate bedrooms and eliminate tossing and turning and fights over the blanket.
And many couples who are secure enough to seek satisfying slumber on their own report using the regained energy for more ... loving pursuits.
Tip No. 4: Maintain Same-Sex Friends -- and Interests
Don't for Wives instructs women not to "try to regulate your husband's pleasures and don't be jealous if they don't include you."
It's only been during the past couple of decades that couples expected to share a bulk of their free time together. Retro couples didn't necessarily want to participate in each others hobbies.
Charlotte, N.C., relationship expert Kathy Stafford recommends that couples keep close ties with their same-sex friends throughout marriage. "My parents had separate interests. Dad belonged to a men's club, and Mom belonged to a ladies-only club. This gave them both time to cultivate their own interests, and they weren't totally reliant on each other for their entertainment."
Tip No. 5: Look Sharp
How did June Cleaver do it? She always looked impeccable when serving dinner to Ward and the kids.
Les Parrott, PhD, and professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University, says you can inspire romance by dressing up for the occasion. "With our hectic schedules, it's tempting to resort to sweatpants all weekend or immediately changing into a ratty T-shirt after work. Instead, dress up the next time you and your spouse have dinner or plan a night out. Wearing a beautiful dress or a button-down shirt and slacks will be unexpected and make your partner feel special that you took the extra time to look nice. Taking time with your appearance inspires romance and shows your partner you care.
"Tip No. 6: Don't Go to Bed Angry
Jackie Gleason may have wanted to "send Alice to the moon," but the Honeymooners settled their quarrels before turning in for the night.
The long-married Leeds are proponents of this wisdom. Even if you can't resolve a disagreement before you hit the sheets, you can agree to let the anger go for the night. Remind each other how lucky you are -- even as you disagree -- to have each other to disagree with.
"From the very beginning we decided that we didn't want to go to bed angry," Gerard Leeds writes. "And we seldom go to sleep without kissing each other good night."
Tip No. 7: Hit the Dance Floor
Ever notice how blissful couples look as they are twirling across the dance floor, entwined in each other's arms like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers?
There is a language of leading and yielding that dance teaches. Paul Bolotovsky is the owner of the Manhattan-based Nightclub Dance Series, an instructional dance series that teaches men and women how to dance in nightclubs. He says that putting on your dancing shoes can put the sizzle back into a relationship that has fizzled.
"The old days of ballroom dancing and swing have a lot to offer today's couples," he tells WebMD in an email interview. "The touch, teamwork, energy, music, anticipation, and companionship are all wonderful byproducts after a night of dancing." Don't fret if you have two left feet; even "contemporary" dancing" is a way to spend fun time together.
Tip No. 8: Have Couples Fun
Bridge and pinochle were common activities shared by our parents and their friends. So was cocktail hour and formal anniversary celebrations with like-minded couples.
Fine says, "Play board games with other couples! It's fun and a great way to be social with others and playful with one another."
Parrott says it is important to identify friends who are healthy additions to your social circle. "Your goal is to become close with other couples with similar standards and interests who have positive attitudes about marriage and family life. Gravitate toward fun couples who make you feel supported and enhance your active, healthy lifestyle. Friends like these are good for your marriage and overall well-being."
Tip No. 9: Give Compliments
To give a compliment, you've got to pay attention -- really notice something about someone. Remember how Carol and Mike Brady, the happily married matriarch and patriarch of The Brady Bunch, lavished them on each other?
If it's been a while since you've doled out flattering praise, try it.
Tessina notes that it costs nothing to say, "You look good," "You did a great job," or "I like your shirt." Yet compliments can really reassure and pump up your spouse.
Tip No. 10: Hold Hands
Back in our parents' time, hand-holding and discreet pecks on the cheek were the tasteful, chaste displays of affection.
Although anything goes these days, Morley-Ball encourages couples to simply hold hands in public. "[It] affirms to everyone your undying affection and love for each other. [It] shows everyone that you are proud to be with each other and you want everyone to know it."
Tessina echoes this sweet sentiment. "There's an actual electrical connection that passes between us when we touch. You can use that electrical connection to provide juice in your marriage. Give each other little pats and gentle touches and hold hands frequently when you're walking or driving and you'll keep the energy -- and the sweetness -- flowing between you."
Tip No. 11: Cut Back on Complaints
Yesteryear's couples had a comic reputation for nagging -- think of The Dick Van Dyke Show -- yet, in truth, many partners often held their tongues.
Real thinks a stumbling block in modern marriages is a constant soundtrack of discord. "Our generation thinks that closeness comes from sharing everything, letting each other know how miserable you are. But it doesn't motivate me to treat you better."
He says that relaying every annoyance is a bad idea. Instead, he recommends you pick your battles. "Not everything needs to be addressed."
Tip No. 12: Try Thoughtful Little Acts
Back in the day, with fewer stresses, limited technology and less multitasking, couples were more "present" in their relationships.
"The presence of little, daily thoughtful acts showed caring and appreciation for one another," says licensed clinical social worker Toni Coleman. "Things like making breakfast for your spouse or packing their lunch, bringing them coffee in the morning or a drink or glass of wine at the end of the day, warming up their car or putting their keys and other personal effects on the hall table, ready to go."
Real writes that sustaining a happy relationship, such as the Leeds', requires careful thought, a generous spirit and hard work.
"There's a lot of wisdom [to be gained] from our parents or grandparents, he says."They had companionship marriage, but we've raised the bar -- we want romance, great sex, and more intimacy. We can reconcile these two approaches. With some of the gentleness and graciousness of previous generations with the technology and savvy of today's marriages."
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Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Is it possible to save my marriage?
It's a sad reality that sometimes marriages just tend to break and fall apart. Some marriages end up in a messy divorce. There may come a time that you will have to ask yourself, How can I save my marriage? It's not easy to solve a troubled marriage and you need to go forward with the right actions if things are to settle down. For almost all marriages, resorting to divorce is not the right solution. In the first place, you got married because you were truly in love with this person and ending up in a divorce is nothing that either of you deserve. There are a lot of people who have asked themselves, can I save my marriage?, and found out in the long run, that indeed they could. It's just a matter of knowing the things that went wrong and finding solutions to solve the problem without filing for a divorce.
In order to save a troubled marriage, the number one thing that you can do with your spouse is to seek the assistance of a relationship counseling therapist. They are trained to help you cope up youre your marital problems. Although counseling can only guide you in dealing effectively with the issues, this can help you find some ways on your own that can help you save your marriage. Solving marriage problems is not really that complicated, however, you need to have the will to change and to make things happen.
In saving a marriage, you have to realize that there is no such thing as perfect marriage, it doesn't exist. Even though you think that both of you are so much in love with each other, there will always come a time that both of you will be tested through petty arguments. Sometimes small arguments can become huge when neglected and it could be the reason why you and your spouse are on the verge of breaking up. It is essential that you try to solve things calmly without starting a fight with your partner. This can only worsen the situation, leaving you with nothing but divorce papers. Communication is very important in any kind of relationship, much more so when it comes to marriage. There must always be open communication between the two of you. Be honest with your spouse and do not keep everything for yourself. If you are bothered by your relationship, you have to tell it to your spouse no matter how painful it is. If you're caught up in a situation where you ask yourself, can I save my marriage? never say no.
All marriages deserve a second chance. You cannot just abandon a relationship that you've nurtured and taken cared of for so many years. Remember, when you faced the altar on your wedding day, you swore to God that you will take care of each other through thick and thin? Well, it's crush time! Problems do arise in marriage, but it doesn't mean you are to break up.
In order to save a troubled marriage, the number one thing that you can do with your spouse is to seek the assistance of a relationship counseling therapist. They are trained to help you cope up youre your marital problems. Although counseling can only guide you in dealing effectively with the issues, this can help you find some ways on your own that can help you save your marriage. Solving marriage problems is not really that complicated, however, you need to have the will to change and to make things happen.
In saving a marriage, you have to realize that there is no such thing as perfect marriage, it doesn't exist. Even though you think that both of you are so much in love with each other, there will always come a time that both of you will be tested through petty arguments. Sometimes small arguments can become huge when neglected and it could be the reason why you and your spouse are on the verge of breaking up. It is essential that you try to solve things calmly without starting a fight with your partner. This can only worsen the situation, leaving you with nothing but divorce papers. Communication is very important in any kind of relationship, much more so when it comes to marriage. There must always be open communication between the two of you. Be honest with your spouse and do not keep everything for yourself. If you are bothered by your relationship, you have to tell it to your spouse no matter how painful it is. If you're caught up in a situation where you ask yourself, can I save my marriage? never say no.
All marriages deserve a second chance. You cannot just abandon a relationship that you've nurtured and taken cared of for so many years. Remember, when you faced the altar on your wedding day, you swore to God that you will take care of each other through thick and thin? Well, it's crush time! Problems do arise in marriage, but it doesn't mean you are to break up.
Monday, March 23, 2009
How to Choose Bridal Gowns for an Oriental Wedding
Bridal gowns in Eastern cultures are often far different than the traditional yards of white lace that characterize Western weddings. If you have chosen to celebrate your heritage by incorporating traditions from your culture, choosing a wedding dress that honors those traditions can make your special day more meaningful for both you and your entire family. Your aunt, grandmother or any other elder will be flattered and pleased that you care about the traditions and the family.
Asian and Oriental style weddings have been among the most popular 'themes' for the weddings over the past few years. For many brides and grooms, however, the decision to honor the traditions of their culture lies far deeper than simply wanting to be stylish. For them, choosing to respect and display the wedding rituals and rites from their heritage is a very real way of connecting with their roots - and of honoring their families. From the foods served at the wedding reception to whether or not the bride wears a wedding dress, every moment of the day may have some special significance to the Eastern bride and groom and their families.
Choosing A Wedding Dress for An Oriental WeddingWhile Westerners tend to think of 'Oriental' and 'Asian' as one culture, there are literally hundreds of regional cultures that make up the Asian world, and wedding traditions vary from Eastern culture to Eastern culture. Even within one country, you'll find dozens of variation of traditional Asian themes - and from country to country the differences between bridal gowns and wedding attire are as marked as they are between the Western and Eastern rituals.
The Chinese Bride often wears red to symbolize her joy on her wedding day. Traditional Chinese bridal gowns are lavishly embroidered with symbols of love, luck and fertility, often in gold thread. These days, many Chinese brides opt to wear a wedding dress in the Chinese tradition for the formal ceremony, then change to Western style bridal gowns later in the day at the reception
The Japanese Bride these days is as likely to wear a wedding dress with Western styling as her Western counterpart. It's traditional, however, for the Japanese bride to change her clothing throughout the day. Bridal gowns for Japanese brides often start with the traditional wedding kimono, a white shiro-maku, which the bride wears at the ceremony. At the reception, the bride wears a brightly patterned and embroidered uchikake kimono over the shiro-maku to denote her new status. It's not unusual for the Japanese bride to wear even more bride gowns as the day progresses, changing into more formal wear for various parts of the wedding reception
The Korean Bride traditionally dons the costume of a princess on her wedding day. Korean bridal gowns are elaborately layered and embroidered, and feature a red skirt and yellow jacket - the two traditional colors of joy and life. Like other Eastern cultures, Korean brides may change into a wedding dress at some point during the day to incorporate both Eastern and Western tradition into her wedding.
The Indian Bride has several different styles of bridal gowns from which to choose. The most popular is a sari with a wedding lehenga and choli. Traditional colors for Indian bride gowns are red, burgundy, pink and wine. Elaborately embellished and embroidered wedding cholis and lehengas may be made by the bride's family, or purchased from a specialty shop
The Vietnamese Bride who opts for a traditional Vietnamese wedding dress will wear a red and yellow ao dai - the traditional Vietnamese dress for women. The wedding ao dai is often elaborately embroidered with bright yellow patterns that denote happiness and prosperity.
Other Oriental cultures have their own wedding traditions regarding bridal gowns and dress. If you do decide that you'd like to honor your heritage - and your parents - by choosing a wedding dress that fits your culture, you might make a point of speaking with an older female relative about weddings and bridal gowns.
Your aunt, grandmother or other elder will be flattered and pleased that you care about the traditions and the family and you'll learn a great deal about your traditional colors and styles - and may even hear stories about your family that will help you feel closer than ever to your traditional roots.
Asian and Oriental style weddings have been among the most popular 'themes' for the weddings over the past few years. For many brides and grooms, however, the decision to honor the traditions of their culture lies far deeper than simply wanting to be stylish. For them, choosing to respect and display the wedding rituals and rites from their heritage is a very real way of connecting with their roots - and of honoring their families. From the foods served at the wedding reception to whether or not the bride wears a wedding dress, every moment of the day may have some special significance to the Eastern bride and groom and their families.
Choosing A Wedding Dress for An Oriental WeddingWhile Westerners tend to think of 'Oriental' and 'Asian' as one culture, there are literally hundreds of regional cultures that make up the Asian world, and wedding traditions vary from Eastern culture to Eastern culture. Even within one country, you'll find dozens of variation of traditional Asian themes - and from country to country the differences between bridal gowns and wedding attire are as marked as they are between the Western and Eastern rituals.
The Chinese Bride often wears red to symbolize her joy on her wedding day. Traditional Chinese bridal gowns are lavishly embroidered with symbols of love, luck and fertility, often in gold thread. These days, many Chinese brides opt to wear a wedding dress in the Chinese tradition for the formal ceremony, then change to Western style bridal gowns later in the day at the reception
The Japanese Bride these days is as likely to wear a wedding dress with Western styling as her Western counterpart. It's traditional, however, for the Japanese bride to change her clothing throughout the day. Bridal gowns for Japanese brides often start with the traditional wedding kimono, a white shiro-maku, which the bride wears at the ceremony. At the reception, the bride wears a brightly patterned and embroidered uchikake kimono over the shiro-maku to denote her new status. It's not unusual for the Japanese bride to wear even more bride gowns as the day progresses, changing into more formal wear for various parts of the wedding reception
The Korean Bride traditionally dons the costume of a princess on her wedding day. Korean bridal gowns are elaborately layered and embroidered, and feature a red skirt and yellow jacket - the two traditional colors of joy and life. Like other Eastern cultures, Korean brides may change into a wedding dress at some point during the day to incorporate both Eastern and Western tradition into her wedding.
The Indian Bride has several different styles of bridal gowns from which to choose. The most popular is a sari with a wedding lehenga and choli. Traditional colors for Indian bride gowns are red, burgundy, pink and wine. Elaborately embellished and embroidered wedding cholis and lehengas may be made by the bride's family, or purchased from a specialty shop
The Vietnamese Bride who opts for a traditional Vietnamese wedding dress will wear a red and yellow ao dai - the traditional Vietnamese dress for women. The wedding ao dai is often elaborately embroidered with bright yellow patterns that denote happiness and prosperity.
Other Oriental cultures have their own wedding traditions regarding bridal gowns and dress. If you do decide that you'd like to honor your heritage - and your parents - by choosing a wedding dress that fits your culture, you might make a point of speaking with an older female relative about weddings and bridal gowns.
Your aunt, grandmother or other elder will be flattered and pleased that you care about the traditions and the family and you'll learn a great deal about your traditional colors and styles - and may even hear stories about your family that will help you feel closer than ever to your traditional roots.
Dating Islamic Traditions
Dating Islamic persons is complicated. The dating Islamic traditions are associated with a number of rules and conditions such that even a modern Muslim couple find dating a hazardous route. There are hundreds of Islamic singles posted online. Islamic dating services have sprung up and maybe a sign that rigid rules and customs maybe loosening their hold slowly on modern Muslims.
The Prophet has said in the Quran, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third." The Quran segregates a man from a woman with whom he is not related. Instead of dating, a Muslim and Muslimah meet in a pre-arranged place (such as a room in the Mosque) with a chaperone or escort present in the room. The couple will discuss a marriage contract and ask questions of importance to them regarding marriage.
Muslims in Islamic countries marry through the intervention of their parents and families. Parents have the support of the community in finding spouses for their children. Word of mouth, relatives, and a social network make arranging marriages easier. Young person makes prayers to Allah to help him or her find the right person.
The family makes discrete enquiries and arranges suitable meetings. Couple agrees to meet in a chaperoned, group environment. Long investigations are made into the family and the character of the groom and the bride. Couples then agree to pursue marriage or part their ways. Dating Islamic has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced
into a marriage that they don't want
This type of courtship called Dating Islamic helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family involvement and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful evaluation of the compatibility of the couple
Islam is totally against dating and premarital sex. Hence Muslims in foreign countries have evolved their own ways to pass by this restriction. Young American Muslims have come up with three novel solutions to dating - the first group practices Halal dating (permissive by Islam). The second group can be called as "Eid Muslims," who practice faith only on holidays and are haram (unlawful) dating practitioners who keep away from physical relations. The third group is the Free Birds. They are completely Haram and are open to premarital sex and monogamous relationships
Modern Dating Islamic is mainly in the form of Halal dating, where couples are introduced to each other, either by parents or friends. They spend time talking over the phone or on the Internet and even going on dates, though for strict Muslims, accompanied by escorts. Once they like each other, the couple is married under the Islamic law by signing a marriage contract. This event, called the nikah, is as binding as a marriage. The signing of the agreement allows them to spend more time together. In halal dating, a clear understanding exists between the man and the woman that they are committed to marrying each other. They view the other as a life partner and eventually will obtain a marriage license.
It is the growing popularity of Halal dating that has led to the mushrooming of Islamic singles and the Islamic dating services. Dating Islamic is designed in a special way so that no boy or girl is forced to marry without his or her consent and at the same time they obtain the blessings of the family.
The Prophet has said in the Quran, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third." The Quran segregates a man from a woman with whom he is not related. Instead of dating, a Muslim and Muslimah meet in a pre-arranged place (such as a room in the Mosque) with a chaperone or escort present in the room. The couple will discuss a marriage contract and ask questions of importance to them regarding marriage.
Muslims in Islamic countries marry through the intervention of their parents and families. Parents have the support of the community in finding spouses for their children. Word of mouth, relatives, and a social network make arranging marriages easier. Young person makes prayers to Allah to help him or her find the right person.
The family makes discrete enquiries and arranges suitable meetings. Couple agrees to meet in a chaperoned, group environment. Long investigations are made into the family and the character of the groom and the bride. Couples then agree to pursue marriage or part their ways. Dating Islamic has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced
into a marriage that they don't want
This type of courtship called Dating Islamic helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family involvement and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful evaluation of the compatibility of the couple
Islam is totally against dating and premarital sex. Hence Muslims in foreign countries have evolved their own ways to pass by this restriction. Young American Muslims have come up with three novel solutions to dating - the first group practices Halal dating (permissive by Islam). The second group can be called as "Eid Muslims," who practice faith only on holidays and are haram (unlawful) dating practitioners who keep away from physical relations. The third group is the Free Birds. They are completely Haram and are open to premarital sex and monogamous relationships
Modern Dating Islamic is mainly in the form of Halal dating, where couples are introduced to each other, either by parents or friends. They spend time talking over the phone or on the Internet and even going on dates, though for strict Muslims, accompanied by escorts. Once they like each other, the couple is married under the Islamic law by signing a marriage contract. This event, called the nikah, is as binding as a marriage. The signing of the agreement allows them to spend more time together. In halal dating, a clear understanding exists between the man and the woman that they are committed to marrying each other. They view the other as a life partner and eventually will obtain a marriage license.
It is the growing popularity of Halal dating that has led to the mushrooming of Islamic singles and the Islamic dating services. Dating Islamic is designed in a special way so that no boy or girl is forced to marry without his or her consent and at the same time they obtain the blessings of the family.
Moslem marriage culture
Main characteristics of Muslim marriage culture are consent of the competent parties, presence of witnesses and dower (Mehr) to wife. No ceremony or ritual is required for a valid Muslim marriage contract. However, Muslims observe colourful marriage customs is different parts of the world depending upon their local cultures. Most of the wedding customs are innocent in nature while some are against basic principles of Islamic marriage jurisprudence.
You know the Muslim marriages are famous for the best in inviting and welcoming the guests. This kind of Muslim marriage culture provides people a chance to entertain guests in bulk and strengthen their social bonds. Not only bride, groom and their families but also neighbors and their friends enjoy marriage event with different rituals.
Muslim marriage culture is famous for the best in inviting and welcoming the guests. Wedding customs give them a chance to entertain guests in bulk. Muslim marriage can take place at any convenient time. Also the marriage venue can be the bride or groom’s house.
Common Features
You may contract a marriage at any place and time in Muslim marriage culture. Some prefer night hours but there is no legal or religious restriction. Marriage may take place at any venue including bride or groom’s house. However, generally the wedding ceremony takes place at bride’s place. Following common practices are observed in Muslim marriage culture:
Welcoming the Marriage ProcessionIf you are a groom, you are supposed to go to the bride’s house with your friends and family in the shape of a marriage procession which is called ‘Barat’ in India and Pakistan. The bride’s family receives the procession with a warm welcome. The sisters and female cousins of the bride may play a number of welcoming games to enjoy marriage event. You are required to offer them gifts in certain situations. They offer milk to the groom and demand some gift which the groom generally pays with cash. Similarly, you should be watchful as some girls may hide your shoes for some gift. Such naughty games add a lot of color to the marriage event.
Delivery of SermonThe wedding ceremony starts with delivery of a sermon by a Qazi or Imam. Though his services are not required at all for a valid Muslim marriage contract but traditionally no Muslim marriage is conducted without such a sermon. In Pakistan Nikah registrars not only register the marriages but also deliver the sermon. It not only gives a sacred character to the marriage but also helps the families to announce the marriage. A sermon may even be delivered by someone from the families of bride or groom.
Generally, the Qazi or Imam recites following verses from Quran:
“Ye are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in God. If only the People of the Book had faith, it were best for them: among them are some who have faith, but most of them are perverted transgressors.” (Quran 3:101 Abdullah Yusuf Ali)
“O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single life, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence God, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for God ever watches over you.” (Quran 4:01)
“O, you who believe! Fear God, and (always) say a word directed to the Right. That He may make your conduct whole and sound and forgive you your sins: He that obeys God and His Apostle, has already attained the highest achievement.” (Quran 33:70, 71 Abdullah Yusuf Ali)
The sermon concludes with the announcement of the marriage with the necessary formalities such as ijab (offer) and qubul (acceptance) and Mehr.
Marriage Party by Bride’s FatherAfter wedding ceremony, the father of bride offers some drinks or food as per his financial capacity. There is a law in Pakistan which prohibits heavy spending on such marriage parties. If the bride’s father does not offer a lunch or a dinner, the groom or his family has no right to ask the same.
Welcoming of BrideWhen the groom brings the bride to his home for the first time, the whole family, close relatives and the neighbors welcome the bride and offer gifts and cash. The mother and sisters of the groom play a number of colorful games.
Valimah (Marriage Party)
Valima is a name given to Muslim marriage feast which is offered by the groom on the next day of marriage. Some claim it a Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is used to announce the marriage. The relatives, neighbors and friends are invited. However, lavish spending should be avoided. In a Muslim marriage culture, the husband welcomes the male guests and wife welcomes the female guests. Then they mingle with their respective gatherings.
You know the Muslim marriages are famous for the best in inviting and welcoming the guests. This kind of Muslim marriage culture provides people a chance to entertain guests in bulk and strengthen their social bonds. Not only bride, groom and their families but also neighbors and their friends enjoy marriage event with different rituals.
Muslim marriage culture is famous for the best in inviting and welcoming the guests. Wedding customs give them a chance to entertain guests in bulk. Muslim marriage can take place at any convenient time. Also the marriage venue can be the bride or groom’s house.
Common Features
You may contract a marriage at any place and time in Muslim marriage culture. Some prefer night hours but there is no legal or religious restriction. Marriage may take place at any venue including bride or groom’s house. However, generally the wedding ceremony takes place at bride’s place. Following common practices are observed in Muslim marriage culture:
Welcoming the Marriage ProcessionIf you are a groom, you are supposed to go to the bride’s house with your friends and family in the shape of a marriage procession which is called ‘Barat’ in India and Pakistan. The bride’s family receives the procession with a warm welcome. The sisters and female cousins of the bride may play a number of welcoming games to enjoy marriage event. You are required to offer them gifts in certain situations. They offer milk to the groom and demand some gift which the groom generally pays with cash. Similarly, you should be watchful as some girls may hide your shoes for some gift. Such naughty games add a lot of color to the marriage event.
Delivery of SermonThe wedding ceremony starts with delivery of a sermon by a Qazi or Imam. Though his services are not required at all for a valid Muslim marriage contract but traditionally no Muslim marriage is conducted without such a sermon. In Pakistan Nikah registrars not only register the marriages but also deliver the sermon. It not only gives a sacred character to the marriage but also helps the families to announce the marriage. A sermon may even be delivered by someone from the families of bride or groom.
Generally, the Qazi or Imam recites following verses from Quran:
“Ye are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in God. If only the People of the Book had faith, it were best for them: among them are some who have faith, but most of them are perverted transgressors.” (Quran 3:101 Abdullah Yusuf Ali)
“O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single life, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence God, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for God ever watches over you.” (Quran 4:01)
“O, you who believe! Fear God, and (always) say a word directed to the Right. That He may make your conduct whole and sound and forgive you your sins: He that obeys God and His Apostle, has already attained the highest achievement.” (Quran 33:70, 71 Abdullah Yusuf Ali)
The sermon concludes with the announcement of the marriage with the necessary formalities such as ijab (offer) and qubul (acceptance) and Mehr.
Marriage Party by Bride’s FatherAfter wedding ceremony, the father of bride offers some drinks or food as per his financial capacity. There is a law in Pakistan which prohibits heavy spending on such marriage parties. If the bride’s father does not offer a lunch or a dinner, the groom or his family has no right to ask the same.
Welcoming of BrideWhen the groom brings the bride to his home for the first time, the whole family, close relatives and the neighbors welcome the bride and offer gifts and cash. The mother and sisters of the groom play a number of colorful games.
Valimah (Marriage Party)
Valima is a name given to Muslim marriage feast which is offered by the groom on the next day of marriage. Some claim it a Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is used to announce the marriage. The relatives, neighbors and friends are invited. However, lavish spending should be avoided. In a Muslim marriage culture, the husband welcomes the male guests and wife welcomes the female guests. Then they mingle with their respective gatherings.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Polygamy and Other African Tribal Customs
Polygamy is a main feature of African tribal customs…
Christianity and Western values are influencing the African society for monogamous relationships. However, Islamic permission for polygamy has strengthened the African tribal customs in this regard. The statistics show that 36% women in rural areas and 24% women in urban areas have to accept polygamous marriages.
Most of the women prefer monogamous marriages to acquire importance with their husbands and to avoid pressures and jealousies of the previous wives. However, it is wrong to say that Islam has caused polygamy in Africa. The ancient African tribal customs prove that polygamy had been prevailing in the African countries for centuries.
Some claim that polygamy in Africa is result of marriage in teenage. Some point out that polygamy is result of age-gaps between husband and first wife. Some others even claim that African women accept polygamous marriages to get protection of the wealthy and influential married people.
In eight out of our eleven countries, the proneness to marriage in early ages is in varying degree. Incidentally the uneducated women not only prefer to marry early but also involve in polygamous relations. On the other hand the girls in schools prefer to delay their marriage for a significant time. The educated women also reject polygamous marriages and prefer to be single wives of their husbands. They don’t like to become junior wives to the less educated or previous wives.
Analysis show that the African women getting education have to face a short marriage market for a compatible husband. Some allege that such situations the women prefer prohibited relationships with older husbands of worth, hoping that their roles as "outside wives" will help them advance into superior social echelons
Christianity and Western values are influencing the African society for monogamous relationships. However, Islamic permission for polygamy has strengthened the African tribal customs in this regard. The statistics show that 36% women in rural areas and 24% women in urban areas have to accept polygamous marriages.
Most of the women prefer monogamous marriages to acquire importance with their husbands and to avoid pressures and jealousies of the previous wives. However, it is wrong to say that Islam has caused polygamy in Africa. The ancient African tribal customs prove that polygamy had been prevailing in the African countries for centuries.
Some claim that polygamy in Africa is result of marriage in teenage. Some point out that polygamy is result of age-gaps between husband and first wife. Some others even claim that African women accept polygamous marriages to get protection of the wealthy and influential married people.
In eight out of our eleven countries, the proneness to marriage in early ages is in varying degree. Incidentally the uneducated women not only prefer to marry early but also involve in polygamous relations. On the other hand the girls in schools prefer to delay their marriage for a significant time. The educated women also reject polygamous marriages and prefer to be single wives of their husbands. They don’t like to become junior wives to the less educated or previous wives.
Analysis show that the African women getting education have to face a short marriage market for a compatible husband. Some allege that such situations the women prefer prohibited relationships with older husbands of worth, hoping that their roles as "outside wives" will help them advance into superior social echelons
Muslim Marriage Culture
Main characteristics of Muslim marriage culture are consent of the competent parties, presence of witnesses and dower (Mehr) to wife. No ceremony or ritual is required for a valid Muslim marriage contract. However, Muslims observe colourful marriage customs is different parts of the world depending upon their local cultures. Most of the wedding customs are innocent in nature while some are against basic principles of Islamic marriage jurisprudence.
You know the Muslim marriages are famous for the best in inviting and welcoming the guests. This kind of Muslim marriage culture provides people a chance to entertain guests in bulk and strengthen their social bonds. Not only bride, groom and their families but also neighbors and their friends enjoy marriage event with different rituals
Muslim marriage culture is famous for the best in inviting and welcoming the guests. Wedding customs give them a chance to entertain guests in bulk. Muslim marriage can take place at any convenient time. Also the marriage venue can be the bride or groom’s house.
Common Features
You may contract a marriage at any place and time in Muslim marriage culture. Some prefer night hours but there is no legal or religious restriction. Marriage may take place at any venue including bride or groom’s house. However, generally the wedding ceremony takes place at bride’s place. Following common practices are observed in Muslim marriage culture:
Welcoming the Marriage Procession
If you are a groom, you are supposed to go to the bride’s house with your friends and family in the shape of a marriage procession which is called ‘Barat’ in India and Pakistan. The bride’s family receives the procession with a warm welcome. The sisters and female cousins of the bride may play a number of welcoming games to enjoy marriage event. You are required to offer them gifts in certain situations. They offer milk to the groom and demand some gift which the groom generally pays with cash. Similarly, you should be watchful as some girls may hide your shoes for some gift. Such naughty games add a lot of color to the marriage event
Delivery of Sermon
The wedding ceremony starts with delivery of a sermon by a Qazi or Imam. Though his services are not required at all for a valid Muslim marriage contract but traditionally no Muslim marriage is conducted without such a sermon. In Pakistan Nikah registrars not only register the marriages but also deliver the sermon. It not only gives a sacred character to the marriage but also helps the families to announce the marriage. A sermon may even be delivered by someone from the families of bride or groom
Generally, the Qazi or Imam recites following verses from Quran:
“Ye are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in God. If only the People of the Book had faith, it were best for them: among them are some who have faith, but most of them are perverted transgressors.” (Quran 3:101 Abdullah Yusuf Ali)
“O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single life, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence God, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for God ever watches over you.” (Quran 4:01
“O, you who believe! Fear God, and (always) say a word directed to the Right. That He may make your conduct whole and sound and forgive you your sins: He that obeys God and His Apostle, has already attained the highest achievement.” (Quran 33:70, 71 Abdullah Yusuf Ali)
The sermon concludes with the announcement of the marriage with the necessary formalities such as ijab (offer) and qubul (acceptance) and Mehr.
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